All we wanted was peace and solace
Just fantasizing about becoming rich by copying our role models
Not by comparing others’ lives to ours
When games meant Ring-a-Ring o’ Roses
Or kho kho ?
All we wanted was to procrastinate sleep hours for a little bit more of the television
Staying active meant playing and frolicking
And not just social media
Sunshine of happiness wrapped us from everywhere
Yesterday, we all wanted to grow up….

Our confused little heads are making decisions by predictions of someone else
It’s the time when games mean manipulating minds to hurt the innocent souls
Yeah we’re enjoying to our heart’s content yet are dissatisfied
Making new friends and losing the ones we count on
Our priority is just the appraisal and critics
We want silence yet are running to keep up the pace, competing with all
Faking happiness on the social media
Today, we all want to retire from the work we are entrusted with….

All we would do is watch ourselves grow up once again
By watching the tiny tinkling eyes sparkle with joy and their boisterous bodies hopping in front of us
Antakshari would be the mind games and the chit chat would be our work
We’d sit every night introspecting
Feeling glad to have been gone through the thick and thin of life
Some would regret the negative deeds
While some would still have that spirit of youth oozing out and would travel
Tomorrow, we would want ourselves to be children again….

~ From my skeptical thoughts
To your confused head:-)

The Good Old Paw Days

The best days of my life were taken away when the spirits took you away

It was 21st February, 2017. Getting a four legged furry animal in my little house had been one of my biggest dreams . Oh how memorable was that moment when my eyes got to meet that sensitive, chubby and active kid running on his little legs all around the house! Dog — A creature more loyal than any human friend, loves you more than it preaches and follows self love, adores you for who you are and most importantly is selfless and always ready to sacrifice its life at hazardous situations. Yes , a story I haven’t told many is about that selfless being whose love for me was the purest.

I remember how much my dad and i had to convince my mom just to get one dog an entrance inside our cosy shelter. Three years of convincing and searching for that one dog finally ended in the year 2017 when we got a labrador. Born and brought up among a family where I have no siblings or cousins to play with had made the walls of my house suffocating and dull . It was that small pup who filled my heart with joy. I didn’t have a dog but a baby brother, a best friend who loved me more than I’d ever know . I named it ‘Buzzo’. Yes, I named it. It will always be a special memory when I’d held him in my arms , wrapped him like a small baby and that’s when I knew I’d fallen in love . He wasn’t just an animal at my house , he was the most important part of my nuclear family .

I used to play, dance with him ,annoy and disturb him when he used to sleep . I mean, that’s what sibling goals are right? We ran after each other much better than the way lovers chase their crushes . They were the happiest moments of the year . Buzzo! Buzzo! Oh how obsessed we were with his name! I’ll probably never get to see a being that excited to see me when I’m home like he used to be . Same food everyday yet that happiness was so angelic and not complaining. Same route to walk to but that level of satisfaction to breathe in the outside air will always be unmatched .

Dear Buzzo, Jolly might not have spent as much time as you deserved, she might’ve been ignorant of your existence when you needed someone to stay with you but she really loves you and needs you around. Not a day passes by when she doesn’t miss how comfortable you were on her bed around her and wrapped in her blanket . She hasn’t forgotten how you woke her up from her slumber. You taught her what selfless love feels like . She owes you . An atheist but she prays that if there’s an afterlife, you are happy and the same kid with high spirits like you always used to be . Lots of love .

Life was pretty smooth until 26th May, 2019. None of your family friends were ready to keep a dog forcing us to keep our beloved in that dark dungeon or the so called ‘hostel’ for dogs . I wish I could hear his silence and understand what pain he was in. He usually barked when we used to leave him at some unknown place but this time he didn’t . It was all quiet. I wish I had known what I was about to face in a day or two. I wish I’d pick him up and talk to him in a language he’d understand so i could say that I’ll be back for him soon.

We left for our trip to Kerala the following day . He had high fever for an entire day. We wish we knew it. A day later we got a call while the veterinarian was checking and examining why he had been sleeping for more than usual. He was no more . How could we travel 1000 miles back to see our love in that lifeless state ? The careless veterinarian wouldn’t give the little sympathy that resided in him. We were shattered. We weren’t in his last moments and I’ll always blame the three of us for it . We could not be there to take him home but one of our family friends gave him a proper burial .

He was just 2 years old and I still feel guilty for leaving him in that darkness . He is long gone but I still feel his presence everywhere he used to be . I still remember the warmth of his hug . We couldn’t concentrate for months but we had to move on slowly knowing the fact that his spirit is still around us and that he wants us to smile. Everyone still thinks that I was the least affected member but I wish they’d jump inside my mind and look at the chaos I had inside. I’ve buried all of it since. I wanna capture all of those days when he and I used to smile together ,eat fruits and jump on beds together. I wish Buzzo were here so I’d sleep wrapped in his cosy fur telling him how much I love him . Buzzo wasn’t just a dog , he was everything I wanted what humans couldn’t provide me with emotionally and spiritually.

We kept his accessories as memories. His hair still resides on my clothes , his face is still crystal clear in my mind , the memories will never be forgotten.

He taught the three of us what true love is . It’s unconditional. He taught how even a dumb and silent talk could communicate. He is always going to be that one friend I’ve never regretted having with me . Two years’ member at my abode and lifetime of lessons he taught me. If I ever have a chance to spend my life with you I’d gladly give up on whatever the spirits tell me to leave.

I need your paws to hit me and wake up for I love existing in dreams and not reality. I want you to teach me what happiness in little things means and I want you to let me know how i must make amends for the wrong doings.

I want you to stay .

I love you

The Mirage I Exist In

Where am I ?

I dream of the times that are yet unknown
To me and to the mankind
Maybe I’m already dwelling in this ocean of dreams
Stuck in that one layer of the deep
The pseudo-world I built among the people
Beneath the same blue sheet of canvas that wraps the Earth
And over the same rock-solid crust
Yet, wish to live this dream for eternity

I wish, I could touch every single particle
Every reaction that explodes in you
Maybe I’m this mythical creature
Of a folk tale of an author or maybe of a bedtime story
A myth that lives among the extra terrestrials in some parallel universe
A cosmos with a different lifestyle
An unreal world they reside in and a place
I’d love to tour someday

I hope my feelings touch yours
In a way that can be felt through telepathic connection
Maybe you will apprehend and absorb my emotions
These chemicals that my soul emits
I’m still sleeping with eyes wide open
Unable to wake up from this illusion
Afterlife might be a reality, only my dark death can tell
Maybe I’ll wake up to see the real me

~ Is after death my real world ?

The Pearls Of The Night Sky

The bright side of the sky

Back when I was twelve and I used to look up at the vast blanket filled with shimmering stars
One, two and three…..
No, I wasn’t counting the number of stars but the number of my deceased loved ones
The ones who were god’s favourites
And turned themselves into the twinkling lights
Do you remember?
How we used to look up and wave at them
With nothing but pure and jolly smiles?

Now that I’m seven-TEEN
I look up at the sky to draw constellations
And name the stars one by one , dot by dot
The Roman Gods have given us a lot to identify
How tiny yet gleaming golden and white they are!
No I’m not talking about physical phenomena
I’m just appreciating the gorgeous pearls that cover the dark blanket
Filling up the null and void

Five years later
I would be fighting for my own financial status
I’ll be doing nothing but confront the over populated crowds who are fighting for the same position
Would I even get the time to look up at sky?
Nothing but the terrestrial ecosystems would matter to me
I’ll be just like that small distant star that I once figured out in my childhood days
Covered up by the superior living stars

Dreaming and lost among the sparkles


The beautiful people

I have been wandering since a decade now
Who am I?
Where is my birthplace?
Do I even have an abode except this half- wounded caravan that I call ‘HOME’?
Strolling by the lake all I could wonder was why I wander
A group of five families struggling to survive
We’re all peasants supplying pashmina and tallits that nurture our economy.

Who’s she who looks like me
But is frolicking in a blue gown holding a big air bag floating up in the sky?
Why are those beautiful looking people in pretty clothes but eating on a mat close to earth?
I can see them on the other side of the valley cherishing their outing
Are they pretending to unsee me? Maybe.
Their voices echo as if the nature’s mimicking them
Are they like me too?

The beautiful people came closer and bought a cloth for lump sum of money
My eyes were stuck on the girl’s sweet countenance.
As she grabbed my hand and asked me my name .“Tara”, I said.
She chuckled and tied on my hair, a satin bow
Waving at me
Yes! How lovely she waved at me
She and her birthgivers faded among the mist and fog
The beautiful people were nowhere in sight
But “her” innocence touched my heart.

~homeless but loved~


Fantasy world you say?

I dream

What if I flew away from the reality and fell into deep slumber of my fantasy land?
And get to know my freedom
Would anyone dare to hold my hand
And stay in this world far away from boredom?

What if I said it’s the world without the complicated minds and complexities?
But only loving warm hearted humans.
Would you grow with these ideal theories?
Or would you still want that world suffused with perplexities?

Let’s say we could roam to places and welcome people as if our own family
All of us enveloped in compassion and happiness.
So would you still flee to your city from this verdant country?
Or would you breath in the calm air and in the fresh promises of selflessness?

What if you have a surrounding to nurture you. Fill you with confidence and not demean you?
Where you would work and grow with people not under them?
I don’t think then you’ll think of the derogatory comments that the society lends you.
Or would you want revenge in the vaguely competing world
Would you love to be you covered with people who preach peace?
Or with the fake preachers using weapons to create truce?


The heavenly mortals

Thriving not surviving

If I were to say the answer to describe who we are
I’d probably say that we’re mere mortal souls filled with a collection of atoms
Atoms consisting of uncontrollable sensations.

But are we that simple?
Inside us are the heavenly realms
The supernova explosions within that keep us from darkness and death
Yes. A good explosion that jolts us back on track
We’re all so gracefully carved and blooming everyday into a new version of us
Then why not nurture all the thorns that cut us?
Among all the tiring weird tales and confidential information, we always look out for the happiness that we store in our hearts.
We’re all complex structures like the constellation of stars
Easy to look for but hard to solve
Most humans, fear death
And some; they fear oblivion. But little do we know about our reunions in some alternate universe.

So what are we?
We’re the transient heavenly bodies filled with atoms of complicated emotions with a soul that evolves beautifully if nurtured well or languishes if traumatized.

~From my soul to yours. Neelanjana

The missing piece of the puzzle

The destructive storm did pass
Creating silent havoc in my soul

I’m joining all the pieces shattered
One by one
I’m building up all that was lost
I fell , I woke
I drowned my pain but later I spoke
Counted the puzzle pieces that went missing
Finding each bit of it I found HOPE
Who am I in this giant world ?
Trusting my instincts and believing in my faith ?
I am the complex puzzle I’m solving
I’m still here for the good
No matter how long’s the wait
My bruised mind and dead humanity rose back into game
I healed the people who cut me and rose the people who love me
But yet that sensitive puzzle piece is lost
That once made me glad
But now it’s all cuts and wounds
Which I wish I never had……
I knew the truths but gave away
I could’ve left but chose to stay

But the storm did pass
And this is where I want to resolve me
Get to know me, then wither away

~ The puzzled complex soul

Written by :- Neelanjana Mandal

Fond memories of those lively days:-)

Wish we could be those kids again…

Remember what we were like
When we were five and six years old?
When we talked about our toy cars and beautiful dolls
And those times when we would keep talking nonsense but feel so proud about it?
No one to judge us
And even if they did “WHO CARES?”
Yes those were the golden days
When bags were lighter and minds were brighter
When hearts were filled with joy and love
And our smiles touching everyone’s heart( ◜‿◝ )♡

Remember when we talked about the superiority of males and females
Without the knowledge of FEMINISM?
When we laughed, made fun, fought and punched each other
But came back as bros the very next day
When happiness meant toys, crayons and favourite food
And not people to make us smile
When travelling meant “NAANI KE GHAR”
And all the fantasy places?
Yes those were the merry days I’m talking about…..

Remember the promises u made with friends?
The ones who are no longer around you
What if one day you start gossiping Talk endlessly about the ocean of memories you have about them?
No, you wouldn’t stop talking…. But become a CHATTER BOX AGAIN!!
You’ll embrace it, feel it as if you’re right there!
Sometimes each one of us wish if school meant only about colouring and playing
And life was simple and happy, where we trusted, were grateful for help done
No grudges, no regrets…..

~ Neelanjana
I’m so dreamy 💜✨

Lost Into Life

Some bonds don’t change…….

It was full moon and the galaxy of stars shone over us….
We all were talking about ‘LIFE’
We spoke about the bond all of us shared
The aims we wanted to achieve
And all the golden moments spent
The pure happiness and laughter we gave to each other on the bright faces

We weren’t unhappy because we were about to separate and go with the flow along our dedicated paths
But were rather glad that out of all the years with all the rough tides …
We’re still together
Wrapped around in each others’ arms, holding hands, singing songs and dancing around like drunk souls…

We spoke about love and comfort
The sense of gratefulness to ‘The Holy’
Yes! These are the people I can share my life with…
Are we drenched in tears of sadness?
No, we are drowning in affection and our innocent yet mischievous smiles are being lent to one another…

Oh! Can you feel the breeze?
It was calm and cold
We were not only wrapped around covered by blankets
But also blessed with showers of compassion and truths
Our lips turning into smiles
Our eyes speaking so much more
‘How are you all real?’
We were sitting on the edge of a cliff

~ Neelanjana ✨

The Vision Of My Man

I’ll be waiting every season for you….

It was fall,
The bright yellow, orange and red showered all over me
And I beneath a tree admiring the enchanting view with love in my heart
And desire in my soul singing out the melody
Plucking the strings of the guitar
My deep brown eyes met another pair of hazel shaded look
Sitting beside me, the broad shouldered guy I am waiting for , to make an impossible return
Yes, that’s the look and there’s that smile that damn smile
And all I knew that I was singing a ballad
Hallucinating or for real?
Is he really so close, so near
He touched my fingers as I plucked a string
With maple leaves blessing us
His cheeks brushing mine, yet I sang
No he didn’t die, how could he!?
He’s alive and as fresh as always
Or is he just in my mind
The wind blew stronger and my ballad ceased
He faded away making me null and void
Just like the maple left its trunk to wither
I’m a dead trunk with no beauty
Yet my heart cried out the beautiful words
For my peaceful soul who’s resting in heaven

~ Neelanjana ✨